Drakken: Zero Shego: Infinite!
by naioka1992
Summary: Shego has always been better than Drakken when it came to insults, wisecracks and just words in general. This is a fic to add to the already huge collection of priceless ShegoDrakken moments. Includes other characters but Shego centric.
1. Chapter 1

Drakken: Zero – Shego: Infinite!

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Kim Possible OR most of the quotes here. I'm sorry if I offend anyone – if you have a problem with a quote then please don't hesitate to review me about it. Remember, don't sue – complain!

I'm going to put this: () next to the quotes that I own (or my friends own – none of them care if you steal them, and neither do I, really!) btw.

Summary: Shego has always been better than Drakken when it came to insults, wise-cracks and just words in general. This is a fic to add to the already huge collection of priceless Shego-Drakken moments. Includes other characters but Shego centric.

NOTE: I'm just gonna let you figure it out since it's not actually that hard (I don't think…) but anyway, I'll give you some indication of the setting, before going into the scene like I would with an ordinary fic. ENJOY!

Chapter 1 –

**_-Unknown place (Drakken and Shego are stealing something, KP and RS show up to stop them)-_**

"You know, Shego, I really would have thought you'd be over the whole _'take-over-the-world'_ thing by now. I always assumed you had a brain under that hair and bad outfit."

Shego smirked at Kim. "Hmm, for such a dumb kid you've got a pretty smart mouth." She commented calmly, not phased in the slightest. Kim blinked at her for a few seconds, before growling as she understood.

Shego smirked wider.

"Shego!" barked Drakken angrily. All eyes turned to him and he pouted. "…I don't get it." He whined.

Shego rolled her eyes and launched herself at Kim.

Let the games begin.

**_-Drakken's latest lair_ (a/n: the lair will change, so details (if there are details) might as well, btw)_ – Drakken is ranting to Shego about his latest doomsday plot-_**

"And that, Shego, is how I WILL CONQUER THE WORLD! **BWAHAHAHAH!!**"

Shego rolled her eyes as the synthodrones all laughed along with Drakken.

"I'm surrounded by idiots, but I'm sure they mean well." She said in a false and perky tone.

Drakken and his drones stopped laughing to watch as Shego stalked out, her sarcastic-comment-of-the-moment fulfilled.

**_-Drakken's lair (same as before – see above)-_**

"Hmm, huh? Shego, were you listening to me?!" yelled Drakken, as he stopped his maniacal laughing to find Shego nodding calmly, inspecting her fingernails like she had been doing all through his explanation.

Shego looked up at this and shrugged, before going back to her nails.

"You're insane, aren't you?"

Drakken faltered and stopped, blinking at her.

"Wha-what?" he asked blankly. Shego smirked.

"You heard me." She replied smoothly. Drakken ground his teeth together and stormed out angrily.

Shego's smirk widened.

"Just as I thought."

**_-Drakken's lair, where he is STILL ranting about a new invention or take-over-the-world-thing to Shego-_ (a/n: this is the easy one, ya know?)**

"BEHOLD, SHEGO! THE MIGHTY…ONE-EYED ROBOTIC GOLOMPAGUS!!!"

Shego looked up at the huge, one-eyed, and simply _revolting_ robot that Drakken proclaimed to be his latest _'break-through'_, and paled.

"Whadda ya gonna have it do? _Scare_ everybody into submission? Or will you wait until they're all _puking_ first?" she asked sarcastically.

Drakken scowled at her smirking face. "NO! It's going to attack and blast through buildings and _anything_ in its path using its _lazer-ray_ in its eye!!" he cried madly.

Shego shook her head. "Well, this is _certainly_ foreboding. You really have to work to get _this_ level of menace in a building. But not so much that level of ugliness. Look at your synthodrones, for example." She taunted.

Drakken clenched his teeth and growled, before stomping out.

Shego grinned to herself, before flicking a handful of her special green flames over her shoulder, humming softly as the One-Eyed Robot Golompagus began to melt as the flames triggered the lazer to slowly wear through the robot's feet.

As the sounds of many retreating and dying synthodrones followed, she hummed louder and pulled a nail-file from under her seat, and began to file her nails.

But as Drakken came back in and saw his beloved _break-through_ melting under its own lazer, Shego turned to watch as her '_boss'_ screamed.

She laughed, got up and walked out, still laughing.

"Wow, and there I was thinking that thing couldn't _possibly_ be any uglier!" she called back mockingly.

**_-Shego and Drakken fighting KP and RS – KP and Shego have been fighting and both are very tired-_**

Shego and Kim stood opposite each other, both panting from their fight. Kim was wavering on the spot, and although she didn't show it as much, Shego was about at that point too.

Shego smirked at the battered redhead. "You know, Kimmie, either your luck or your knees are going to give out sooner or later." She pointed out. Kim glared weakly at her, and let Ron drag her away.

"Oh yeah?" called back Ron. Shego smirked wider, waiting to see what he would say. "Well…you have big hips!"

Shego's eyes went wide at this. "Are you kidding? Have you _seen_ Drakken's mom's? And just _why_ were you looking at my hips?" she asked, tapping her foot angrily. Ron's face went through several different colours before settling on an unbelievably deep scarlet.

Shego smirked at him, turned, and walked away, shaking her hips purposefully.

"Oh dear, there goes 90 of the stupidity." She said mock-sadly as Ron and Kim hurried away again.

Drakken frowned. "Wait…there was a 10 intelligence factor?" he asked.

**_-Drakken and Shego are in some weird machine – Drakken is trying to go through his plan to take over the world and Shego is just trying to, well, be Shego-_**

"And finally, I shall – SHEGO WILL YOU STOP THAT!?!"

Shego grinned up at Drakken from her place in the seat beside him, from which she had calmly been pulling parts of the gel wrist-rest from the keyboard of the built-in computer to flick over her shoulder at Drakken's head whilst he ranted. Again.

-flick-

-pause-

-bounce-

"Grrrr…!"

-flick-

-pause-

-bounce-

"GRRR…!!"

-flick-

-pause-

-bounce-

"GRRRRRRRRR…! SHEGO! STOP IT!!!"

Shego grinned and laughed as Drakken blew a fuse.

She watched with interest as Drakken shot up from his chair beside her to glare down at her, a furious glint in his eye.

"Shego…" growled Drakken as he tried fruitlessly to remain calm. "Why do you _insist_ on annoying me?"

Shego beamed and batted her eyelashes up at him.

"Well, my one goal in life is to annoy as many people as possible – no pun intended. If you end up on the butt end of that ambition, then, hey, too bad! It's nothing personal – just a life dream." She explained innocently.

Drakken groaned and sat back down.

"There aught to be a law against women like you." He grumbled.

Shego grinned. "Would that ever stop me?" she teased.

Drakken groaned again and hit his head on the controls.

Shego watched for a few seconds, shrugged, then resumed flicking the gel at him.

-flick-

-pause-

-bounce-

-grin- -groan-

**_-At Drakken's lair. Drakken is trying out his latest doomsday device, and Shego's watching on, not believing it would ever work-_**

"…Hehe. See, Shego? It _does_ work! MWAHAHAHAHA!"

Shego sighed and shook her head as Drakken laughed manically, making him unaware of the red light flashing on the screen.

"HAHAHA…oh? Oh dear…"

Shego smirked to herself as she looked round the corner she was taking cover behind, just in time to see Drakken notice the red light.

-BOOOM!-

Shego quickly flattened her back against the wall, wincing slightly as an enormous explosion sounded from Drakken and his new machine in particular.

She smirked to herself and walked back round the corner after a quick glance to see that there was still a floor round the corner waiting for her.

"Hmm, hey Dr D." she called in her usual manner, smirking as always. "Did the definition of _genius_ change in the past three seconds or something? I think that's how long it took you to notice you'd set the self-destruct to 'go'." She taunted.

Drakken, who was half-buried in rubble from the ceiling, and fried circuits and other parts of his failed device, groaned, before a piece of the ceiling _above_ the one that had collapsed crashed down on him.

The remainder of the groan came out squeaky and pain-filled. Shego noticed that Drakken's eyes were unusually wide – like in one of those cartoons on a Saturday morning show that Shego _never watched_, for your information – giving her the impression that the last piece of ceiling had caused something to fall very hard onto the place where no man wants to be hit.

Letting out an _'Ooooooohh…'_ of mingled sympathy, amusement and empathy, Shego winced a little at the look on his face.

She raised her fingers and let out a piercing whistle. "Hey! Synthodrones! Get down here and clear Dr. D up!" she yelled. Shego paused and shuddered before continuing as she walked away. "I _don't wanna be the one to see what happened to his balls…"_ she muttered.

**_-Drakken's lair and for some reason Shego is making lemon juice-_**

Drakken stopped short as he walked into his new 'evil kitchen'.

"...Err, Shego?" he asked cautiously, "Is there a reason you're juicing lemons?"

Shego turned round, her eyebrows raised in mild surprise. She smiled. "Not really, no. I was gonna see what happened when I gave it to one of your synthodrones, but then I decided I'd just waste your lemon supply." She replied in a conversational tone.

Drakken blinked at her. "O-_kay_?" he muttered uncertainly. Shego smirked at him and turned back to the lemon in the juicer.

"Shego?"

Shego sighed and turned again. "_Yes?_"

"…Why lemons?"

"Oh, I found some cool sayings with lemons in. And, they're the dodgy fruit (1). And you _know_ I'm a sucker for irony, and since you love porn so much, I thought that -"

"-Shego!" cut in Drakken angrily, leaving Shego to laugh at his reddening face. "_I do _not_ like porn!_" he grumbled quietly.

Shgeo rolled her eyes. "Whatever, Brainiac. You wanna hear these sayings?" she asked. Drakken cocked a brow, but nodded.

"Go ahead."

"Number one: _when life gives you lemons, make orange juice…then sit and ponder how the_ _HELL you got orange juice from lemons._"

Drakken laughed and motioned for her to go on.

Shego, enjoying the audience, continued.

"Number two: _When life gives you lemons, make lemonade with extra sugar and give it to little kids and laugh as their parents try to run away from them_."

Again, Drakken laughed, and Shego merely smirked as she envisioned the scenes of pure chaos she could probably create like that.

"Number three: _When life gives you lemons, make apple juice and laugh as the fools try and figure out how you did it._"

Drakken grinned. "You know, I quite like that one." He commented thoughtfully.

Shego smirked. "So that's why I got the lemons." She said calmly.

Drakken thought over her last few words, and frowned.

"Shego?"

"Hmm?"

"…What _are_ you making?"

Shego smirked to herself, but didn't let Drakken see.

She poured the juice she had made into the glass, and neatly pushed the rest of the lemons into the bin, dropping the juicer and knife in the sink as she passed it.

Drakken was about to go after her for an answer, when her voice floated back to him.

"Raspberry juice, of course."

**_-Drakken's lair, evening. Shego finds Drakken sat at a table, pondering something-_**

Shego blinked at Drakken, before sitting at the table so she was opposite him.

"What's up?" she asked somewhat warily. Drakken looked up as if seeing her there for the first time.

Shego reminded herself that this was probably correct; considering it _was_ Drakken she was talking about.

Drakken sighed. "I was just thinking…how do you know if you _own_ something?" he asked suddenly.

Shego blinked at him, and then shrugged.

"How should I know? Right now all I own are my socks, and I'm barefoot!" she laughed. Drakken adopted a puzzled expression, amusing Shego greatly.

"…Then, whose robe is that?" he asked, pointing to the black bathrobe she wore.

Shego looked down at it and smiled.

"Let's just say Kim Possible with have trouble finding the robe she bought this morning when she gets out the shower tonight." She said sweetly.

With that said, she stood up and walked away again, leaving a thoroughly repulsed Dr Drakken behind her, still sat at the table.

"…I don't want to know what else she's wearing that belongs to Kim Possible." He muttered with a shudder.

From the kitchen, Shego laughed.

"Aww, c'mon, she has good taste in thongs!" she teased.

Drakken's cheeks and eyes bulged, as his face turned from blue to green.

He ran for the bathroom, Shego laughing all the way.

"Geez, Drakken…I was only _joking!_" she added happily, slinking away again.

"_Now…she tells me!"_

**_-Setting not needed-_**

Shego took Drakken's hands in one of her's.

"Look Dr D…if it helps, I know how you feel." She said, her expression urging happiness and sympathy. Her face quickly changed to a smirk and a thoughtful look.

"On the other hand, though, I just don't care."

"Wha-?!" stammered Drakken as Shego released his hands, got up and walked off without as much as a backwards glance.

**(1) Lemons are the dodgy fruit - you know on fanfic a lemon stands for a graphic sex scene, right? well i therefore named lemons the dodgy fruit. Pass it on!!**

**thanks for reading, pretty please review! naioka1992 - xoxo**


	2. Chapter 2

Drakken: Zero – Shego: Infinite!

**Disclaimer:** See chapter 1

Chapter 2 –

**_-Drakken has stolen the five most dangerous weapons in the world (yes – he got away with them, too!!) and is now preparing to fire them and take over the world-_**

Shego watched with interest as Drakken lined up the five weapons, all of which were connected to his super-computer, which would allow someone (Shego) to operate all five at once.

"Urr, Dr Dr?" she asked, frowning as she spotted something. Drakken looked round at her, an annoyed scowl on his face.

"What, Shego?!" he yelled angrily.

Shego's frown deepened. "If _that's_ the atomic blasto-ray, and _that's_ the electro-magnetic charger…shouldn't they be at opposite ends? The blasto-ray should be on the left and the charger on the right, otherwise they'll kill the computers." She pointed out.

Drakken gaped at her open-mouthed, before flushing and hurriedly switching them round.

Shego smirked. "It worries me that the man in possession of the five most destructive weapons can't tell his left from his right." She muttered.

Drakken shot a glare at her. "Well, I'm open for advice, then!" he shot back furiously. Shego smirked wider and rolled her eyes.

"_Drew_, with your experience with doomsday plots, you're _still_ a lost cause. How's that for advice?" she asked sarcastically.

Drakken pouted and went back to the electro-magnetic charger, letting out a small yelp as it shocked him every so often.

Shego lowered her head, shaking it in amusement.

**_-Drakken's plan to take over the world just – literally – blew up. Shego, KP and RS are all there, still shocked from the explosion-_**

After gaping at the newly-made crater with Kim Possible and her sidekick-who's-name-no-one-could-ever-remember, Shego snorted.

"Well, isn't he just Clever with a capital K?" she joked sarcastically.

**_-No setting needed-_**

"Shego, why do you hate people?" asked Kim Possible sadly. Shego snorted.

"Hate is just a special kind of love that I give to people who suck. Ergo: I hate everybody." She shot back coolly.

**_-Shego has just beaten KP and RS is helping her up. Drakken is cackling for no apparent reason in the background-_**

Shego growled quietly and glared at Ron as he helped Kim Possible up. Ron grinned and stuck his tongue out at her childishly.

Shego rolled her eyes. "Act your age, not your I.Q!" she snapped furiously, shooting handfuls of her green flames at him. Ron yelped and tried – and, miraculously, managed to – dodge them all. Shego blinked at him, before growling again.

Ron grinned wider. "Haha! Ron Stoppable is Unbeatable!" he cheered.

Shego calmly sent another flame at him.

Ron stopped his Happy-Dance to look down at his trousers, which had fallen down again and were also burning from the green flame Shego had thrown.

"Oh _man!_"

Shego laughed as Ron began running about trying to put out his trousers.

"You sound like a three year old playing guitar for the first time." Drakken commented as dryly as he could.

Shego grinned. "Actually, more like screaming monkeys on steroids watching Barney." She added.

Kim Possible looked from Shego, to Drakken to Ron and back again, unsure whether to be confused, scared, terrified or all three.

Shego smirked nastily as Kim fell backwards in a dead faint.

"Ah yes, this is why I enjoy my job." She murmured as she walked past Drakken.

**_-At Drakken's hideout. Drakken is desperately trying to think of a doomsday plot to tell to Shego so she'll help him, but Shego is, well...see for yourselves-_**

"Oh! How about - !"

"NO!"

"Well then what if - !"

"NO!"

"Well, maybe if I - !"

"**NO!**" Shego stood up, throwing down her magazine in anger. "No, you may _NOT_ tie an alligator to a fire hydrant!" she told Drakken sternly.

The man in question hung his head. "Aww…but I wanted to see what would happen…" he whined.

**_-Shego, Drakken and a bunch of Synthodrones are trying to break into a warehouse and steal something, but keep making loads of noise-_**

Shego sighed. "Dr D, so far you set off the alarm system; stopped it by destroying it in what I think probably is the _loudest way possible_; blew up warehouse 2; got chased by the security dog twice; accidentally set that dumb cat you found into warehouse 6 – which _holds dogs_; and sent that set of three rockets into space." She listed.

Drakken blinked at her. "…Your point?"

Shego groaned and slapped a hand to her forehead. "COULD WE POSSIBLY MAKE ANY MORE NOISE!?" she hissed exasperatedly.

There was silence for a few seconds before a random Synthodrone whipped out a rocket launcher from nowhere.

Shego gaped at the drone, before sighed, shaking her head softly.

"Considering we're in the warehouse that contains mainly fireworks and small rockets…I guess so."

**_-Everyone is looking for a well (Drakken dropped something down there and KP, RS, Shego and Drakken all want it), basically-_**

Kim beamed and pointed with Ron.

"Look!" she yelled, "there's the well!"

Shego dropped down from the trees in front of the well, smirking.

"What tipped you off, the big hole in the ground?" she asked sarcastically.

**_-random scene (be imaginative)-_**

Ron's eyes narrowed as he visibly went off into some kind of daydream.

Kim and Shego paused their fight and Drakken stopped his 'evil ranting' to watch.

"…What I _really_ need is a lightsabre..." he murmured as he gazed into space, eyes still narrowed determinedly.

Shego considered the image of Ron facing down Darth Vader, lightsabre in hand, and felt sorry for Vader.

Shego snorted and swiftly shot green flames at Kim Possible, grinning to herself as she managed to set Ron's trousers alight…again.

**_-Drakken found weird sayings. Shego doesn't think much of them…-_**

"Oh! Oh, Shego, listen to this one! _The wind does not break a tree that bends!_ Hmm…does it mean I need to be more flexible? Or that trees should bend more?"

Shego rolled her eyes as Drakken continued to ponder over his strange new sayings.

"_Why take an escalator when I can take an elevator? Why take an elevator when I can take_…a canoe?!"

Shego snorted at the last saying.

"You know," she remarked thoughtfully, "I think I read that in a fortune cookie once."

Drakken growled, making Shego smirk wider.

"Well…errm…how about…aha! _A frog in the well does not know the ocean_…wha-what the heck…?!" Drakken began to turn the scrap of paper he had written the saying on upside down and back, trying to figure it out.

Shego smirked.

"I'll bet you that there's not _one saying_ in there that is funny, easy to understand, or useful." She said coolly. Drakken scowled at her.

"Hmph! Fine! Erm…ah! _The bridge is repaired only after someone falls in the water_. Err, no…! Oh! _In the desert of life the wise person travels by caravan, while the fool prefers to travel alone_. Huh?! Oh, errr…"

Shego smirked as Drakken trailed off to search through his sayings.

She stood up and calmly walked out of the room. Her voice floated back to mock Drakken.

"And the moral of the story is: I'm always right!"

**_-Shego and Drakken are inside a machine, trying to set it off so they can take over the world. Something seems wrong, though…-_**

Shego and Drakken looked round them uncertainly as strange and worrying noises started coming from the engine of Drakken's new machine.

"I hope you know what you're doing, Dr. D." Shego muttered as Drakken started the machine forwards anyway, going ahead with taking over the world.

Drakken turned to her, looking rather sheepish.

"…Actually, Shego, I was just hoping that myself."

Shego's eyes went wide. "…I smell trouble." She told him blankly. Drakken blinked, before realising that she was only joking, despite their unfortunate predicament.

"I'm sure the engine just needs to warm up…" Drakken tried to comfort her, patting her shoulder nervously.

They both jumped as there was an explosion behind them, confined to the small box that held…the engine.

Shego's eyes went even wider. "Now I _hear_ trouble!" she added loudly, as the engine exploded again.

Drakken's eyes were wide as well. "RUN AWAY!!!!" he yelled, as he scrambled to escape from his own machine.

Shego quickly followed, landing on the ground just as the engine blew up once more, this time setting the whole machine alight.

Shego sighed. "I guess it's safe to say the plan didn't _work_, right?" she asked, looking to Drakken, her expression more tired than smirking.

Drakken nodded, swaying as he tried to remain on his feet.

Shego rolled her eyes as Drakken collapsed on the ground in a blue heap.

**Well, that's all for now! I have more coming so keep reviewing! Oh, and if you have any quotes (from anywhere – school, home, TV shows, radio, etc) then send 'em to me! Much thankies for reading, naioka1992 - xoxo**


	3. Chapter 3

Drakken: Zero – Shego: Infinite!

**Disclaimer:** See chapter 1

Chapter 3 -

**_-Setting not needed-_**

Drakken turned to Shego, apparently done gaping at her destructive handiwork.

"…The greatest trick the devil ever did was making you." He told her blankly. Shego grinned and shook her head.

"Actually, the greatest trick the devil ever did was convincing the world he didn't exist." She corrected.

**_-Shego is watching President Bush making a speech and Draken walks in-_**

Draken blinked at Shego as he walked into his lounge to find her watching President Bush making a speech.

"Shego? I didn't know you liked politics." He teased. Shego glanced back at him, smirking. She snorted with laughter.

"Oh _please!_" she laughed. "Me? Interested in _them?!_ HA!" Drakken frowned slightly as he sat down next to her.

"Well, why do you watch it then?" he asked. Shego smirked.

"To make fun of them. If you compared Ron Stoppable and George W. Bush on a scale of smartness, you'd find that Stoppable was _slightly_ smarter, but still as dumb as a rock." She explained. "Oh, and isn't it funny how the word politics is made up of _'poli'_ meaning many in Latin, and _'tics'_ as in bloodsucking creatures?" she added conversationally.

Drakken laughed. "You should watch politics more often." He told her as he settled down to listen.

Shego smirked, then faltered.

"…We just had a half-civil conversation, didn't we?"

"…Hmm, I suppose…if you can call George Bush _civil_, that is."

**_-no setting needed-_**

Shego grinned as she watched the rain come down outside. She continued to gaze at the darkened sky through the window of her room in Drakken's hideout.

Drakken came up behind her, though she didn't fell like moving.

"What are you thinking?" asked Drakken suspiciously as he watched her grinning.

"If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think it's a cute thing to tell him _'God is crying'_ and if he asks why God is crying another cute thing to tell him is _'probably because of something you did_'." She replied conversationally.

Drakken edged away from her. He muttered something under his breath as he walked away.

Shego's voice stopped him before he got far, though.

"You say psycho like it's a bad thing!" she laughed.

"You're crazy!" Drakken shot back, very afraid now.

Shego laughed louder. "Oh, that's a relative term in my family!" she replied calmly.

**_-no setting needed-_**

"…What _are_ you?!" wondered Drakken as he gaped at Shego and the chaos she had just finished causing.

Shego smiled at Drakken in a childish kind of way.

"All I know is that I'm cleverly disguised as a responsible adult." She told him happily.

Drakken fell back in a dead faint.

Shego rolled her eyes and walked away to mess about with his security system.

**_-Drakken went to Shego's room for some reason and they had an argument-_**

"NO!" yelled Shego, before slamming her bedroom door shut.

Drakken sighed, then caught site of the signs all over her door.

'_I'm sugar, spice and everything nice if you wanna mess with me you better think twice'_ one said.

Drakken gulped then looked at the next one.

One in the shape of a number plate said: _'The whole world is going to hell and I'm driving the bus.'_

The next one said: _'They say the truth will set you free, but how come every time I tell the truth I get sent to my room?'_

'_Don't regret doing things, regret getting caught.'_

Drakken chuckled at this.

'_Behind every good man there is a good woman and behind that another man looking at her ass.'_

'_Most good judgement comes from experience - Most experience comes from bad judgement.'_

'_Why can't I attract men like crazy instead of crazy men?'_

'_I hear voices and they don't like you'_

'_The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits'_ Drakken frowned at the words Shego has added to the last one. It now read: (**_what Shego added_** – _original_)

'_The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits** – or what Drakken thinks and what he is, of course**'_

Drakken sniffed indignantly at this, and stalked away.

Shego opened her door and smirked after him, though Drakken didn't see.

"Sucker." She muttered as she closed her door again.

**_-Drakken is organising his army of Synthodrones – or trying to! Shego watches on, part confused, part amused…then completely amused, as I'm sure you'll understand-_**

"Okay," Drakken said, as he paced up and down the bundle of confused drones. "You guys line up alphabetically by height."

"…What? Which one?" Shego called, smirking. Drakken frowned, and then flushed.

"Err…by height." He mumbled, embarrassed at his slip-up.

Shego smirked wider. "Dr. D you must have a clear conscience, because that's the sign of a bad memory and boy, is your memory bad." She joked.

Drakken's face fell. "Shut it, Shego." He grumbled flatly.

"So, when exactly did you loose your mind?" Shego continued conversationally, unfazed by his interruption.

"I HAVEN'T LOST MY MIND!"

"Oh, yeah, didn't you sell it on ebay?"

"BE QUIET, SHEGO! I _DO_ have a deadline, you know!"

S: "Deadline? I love deadlines! I like the whooshing sound as they fly by!"

D: "Shego! This take-over-the-world scheme isn't cheap, remember? I can't afford to waste time!!"

S: "Geez Drakken, don't get your knickers in a knot. Nothing is solved and you walk funny."

D: "…How would you know that?!"

S: "…How come your drones are so stupid? And why is toilet bowl cleaning liquid only blue?"

D: "Wha-Wha-But-?!"

S: "And why did Mary own a little lamb?"

D: "MAYBE SHE LIKED WOOL! Shego, I -!"

S: "Why aren't safety pins as safe as they say they are?"

D: "WHY ARE YOU ASKING ME THIS?!"

S: "How come popcorn isn't a vegetable?"

D: "I don't know, HOW COME YOUR INSANE?!"

S: "If I had my legs amputated would I have to change my height and weight on my drivers' license?"

D: "You have a drivers' license?! Oh dear…"

S: "Do pyromaniacs wear blazers?"

D: "…What?!"

S: "Who gets to keep the pennies in a wishing well?"

D: "…The Government? HOW SHOULD I KNOW THAT?!"

S: "If a bunch of cats jump on top of each other, is it still called a dog pile?"

D: "…I would assume s -!"

S: "If all the Acme stuff doesn't work, why does Wile Coyote keep buying it?"

D: "…Oh, maybe because HE'S A CARTOON CHARACTER!!"

S: "Why do people say PIN number when that truly means Personal Identification Number Number?"

D: "…Why do you care?"

S: "Since there is a rule that states "i" before "e" except after "c", wouldn't "science" be spelled wrong?"

D: "WHY WON'T YOU STOP?!!?!?!"

S: "Why do dogs walk round in circles before lying down?"

D: "I DON'T KNOW ALL THIS!!!"

S: "If the day before Christmas is Christmas Eve is the day after Christmas Adam?"

D: "YOU'RE NOT MAKING SENSE!"

S: "What did cured ham actually have?"

D: "…What do _you_ have?"

S: "When you see the weather report and it says "partly cloudy" and then the next day it says "partly sunny"; what's the difference?"

D: "I DON'T KNOW – WHAT DO YOU THINK I AM, A WEATHER MAN?!!?!"

S: "Why do birds bop their heads when they walk?"

D: "Where and when did _you_ bop your head, Shego?"

S: "…I'M INSULTED!"

Drakken gaped after Shego as she stormed out of the room, a sheet of paper falling to the floor behind her.

Drakken picked it up, his jaw dropping when he saw the list of questions Shego had been firing at him.

"…WHA-?!"

**_-Drakken has been being smart, and that's all you need to know. Besides, by brain's having a day off-_**

"Okay, so what's the speed of dark?" Shego shot back triumphantly. "What? Don't you know?"

She smirked as Drakken struggled to find an answer she would accept.

With one last glance filled with superiority she _knew_ he hated, Shego swept from the room silently.

"I thought not."

**_-Shego and KP are fighting…again-_**

"Shego, you…you…you _weasel!_" yelled Kim Possible, after struggling to find an insult against the raven-haired girl.

Shego smirked. "Eagles may soar but weasles don't get sucked into jet engines." She shot back smoothly and calmly.

Kim gaped at her.

"…What?!"

**_-Drakken is trying to hack into, what is to him, an unknown computer base-_**

Drakken blinked at the screen, hope in his eyes, thinking he had finally gotten through the code.

He scowled when the same annoying message came back to him, his face falling as the oddly familiar voice that accompanied it rang round his lair, even though the sound was turned down.

"_Access denied – nah nah na nah nah!"_

Drakken frowned as the voice clicked into recognition.

He growled.

"SHEGO!!"

Just outside the open door, Shego smirked and walked away.

**_-Shego has beaten up KP and RS is helping her off-_**

Shego watched as Ron paused to look back at Shego, so he wasn't pulling Kim Possible away.

"Do you have PSM or something?" he asked out of the blue. Shego blinked at him, smirked and rolled her eyes.

"No I don't have PSM – I just really hate you." She retorted coolly.

"…Oh."

"I'm already visualising the duct tape over your mouth." Shego told him calmly.

Ron moved faster.

Drakken turned to her, gaping. "Shego! Why did you let them go?!" he demanded. Shego inspected her nails calmly.

"Well, stupidity isn't a crime, Dr. D…say, I guess that means you're free to go – well, you would be if you didn't steal everything." She teased.

**Well, there's another chapter done! And PLEASE send me more quotes if you have them – that way the chapters come easier.**

**If you don't like or have a problem with any of the quotes, please tell me and I'll try to help you out, by the way.**

**Thanks for reading – please review! naioka1992 - xoxo**


	4. Chapter 4

Drakken: Zero – Shego: Infinite!

**Disclaimer:** See chapter 1

Chapter 4 –

**_-Shego and Drakken are at their lair. Yeah…-_**

"Hey Drakken, ya want some advice on your next plan?" asked Shego without warning.

Drakken jumped and whipped round to face the smirking woman. He narrowed his eyes.

"Okaaaaaaaay…Wait, you mean the plan where we threaten to throw someone important off the Sears Tower?" he asked blankly.

Shego nodded.

"Yeah! If you ever fall off the Sears Tower because your plan got busted and ruined again, just go real limp, because maybe you'll look like a dummy and people will try to catch you because, hey, free dummy."

Drakken gaped at her. "…I think that's the most useless piece of advice I've ever heard, much less from you, Shego." He replied mockingly.

Shego narrowed her eyes on him, but shrugged as if she didn't care. "Yeah…you already look like a dummy, and who wants a blue dummy?" she called over her shoulder as she walked away.

"…But just so you know, Drakken, you have less brains than a dead iguana."

**_-Shego and Drakken's aniversay, or so Shego's saying…-_**

Drakken blinked down at the crude, hand-made card that Shego had stuffed into his hands as soon as he walked through the doorway. She beamed at him childishly.

It was that smile that made him feel nervous and unsafe.

"What's this for?" he asked suspiciously, eyeing her carefully. Shego smiled at him, making Drakken all the more nervous.

"It's our anniversary." She said simply, still smiling at him.

Drakken's jaw dropped. "WHAT?! SHEGO, ARE YOU FEELING ALRIGHT?!" he screeched, afraid that another Moodulator episode was beginning.

Shego narrowed her eyes on him, and Drakken got ready to start running.

"I'm fine, thanks for asking." She replied stiffly, "and if you'd let me finish, it's our anniversary for when we started evil together." She finished, smirking at him, now.

Drakken gulped nervously. "…Am I in trouble for not getting you anything?" he asked delicately. Shego cocked a brow at him and shook her head.

"Considering you've failed to take over the world two thousand times, I wouldn't trust you not to blow it up accidentally." She teased.

Drakken flushed.

"I didn't fail two thousand times, Shego…!" he yelled, trying to think of an excuse for his failures – err, loss-of-success.

Shego snorted. "Yeah, you just found two thousand ways _not_ to take over the world, right?" she finished for him, smirking once more.

Drakken glared at her, as she stalked from the room.

"…Wait, where are you going?" asked Drakken, his eyes narrowed suspiciously again.

Shego stuck her head round the doorway again, grinning mischievously.

"I'm gonna go annoy Kim Possible, or perhaps her friends, Wade or Stoppable." She told him, putting on a thoughtful look at her afterthought.

Drakken snorted, rolled his eyes and walked from the room again. Shego went the other way, ready to annoy.

**_-Drakken is visiting his mother's house, and has dragged Shego along too-_**

Shego rolled her eyes as they entered the house.

A few seconds after entering, she wrinkled her nose in disgust.

"Eww…" she mumbled, glaring around at the peeling wallpaper.

Drakken turned to scowl at her. "What?" he snapped, clearly wanting to be away from there as quick as Shego did.

Shego sighed and smirked. "How come old people's houses always smell like someone's cooking dirty socks, or something?" she wondered.

Drakken rolled his eyes and walked into the kitchen.

Shego's eyes widened at what Drakken said a few seconds after stopping dead in the doorway.

"Mother…is that your laundry on fire?!"

**_-Drakken has got a new take-over-the-world device and Shego is, well…see for youselves-_**

"Okay Drakken, what's _this_ monstrosity called?" Shego asked, fairly confident that the new machine Drakken had stolen would blow up on its own. She wouldn't need to 'prompt' this one.

Drakken shot a glare at her, but replied anyway. Shego's eyes widened.

"…Isn't N.I.X.U.S a hair product?" she wondered thoughtfully.

Drakken frowned as well, and opened his mouth to reply, only to be cut off by the independent explosion of N.I.X.U.S.

Shego let out a cackle, and walked out, leaving Drakken to watch as the machine dissolved in a furry of flames.

**_-Drakken and Shego are fighting KP and RS. Again. deal-_**

"…You cheap bastard!" Shego exclaimed, blinking at Drakken in surprise.

Kim Possible smirked and launched herself at Shego, who dodged easily. Shego turned to blink at Kim instead. She scowled and rolled her eyes.

"You _beeping beeping beep beep beeeeeep_!" she swore colourfully.

Drakken sweetdropped.

"You have to beep out a _lot_ with Shego around." He muttered.

"_Beep_ straight you _beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep_!"

"Watch your words, Shego, or I'll terminate your account!!"

Shego gasped, kicked Kim off of her, and got up again.

"You know Drakken," she said conversationally, whilst kicking Kim and Ron back into a wall. "I wasn't always a bitch."

"Oh, really?"

"Really. Men like you made me this way."

"…You really are a bitch."

"And proud!"

"...Just beat them up, Shego."

**_-At Drakken and Shego's lair. Shego has bought some sweets…-_**

"Hey Drakken, wanna sweet?"

"…What have you done to them? Are they poisonous?" Drakken asked suspiciously, eying the fish-shaped sweets Shego was offering him.

Shego continued to beam at him freakily. "Oh, they're not poisonous, they just carry very deadly diseases!"

"…Mail them to Possible. Or Stoppable, he might actually eat one."

Shego shrugged and popped a sweet in her mouth.

"Hmm…yummy-killing-ness!" she beamed, dancing out again.

Drakken blinked after her, 100 confused.

**_-At Drakken and Shego's lair-_**

Drakken glanced up warily as Shego wandered into the room aimlessly.

He narrowed his eyes as Shego sat down at the table opposite him.

"…I plan to be spontaneous tomorrow." She told him randomly, blinking at him as if she were looking through him.

Drakken had no answer to this.

But apparently Shego didn't care, for she merely got up again and wandered out again.

"Hey…that doesn't make sense!"

**_-At Drakken and Shego's lair. Drakken has YET ANOTHER new machine-thingie. Greaaaaaaaaaat-_**

"And with this, Shego, I CAN'T LOOOOOOOOOOSE!! **MWAHAHAHA!**"

Shego rolled her eyes as Drakken began an evil laugh…again.

"Don't count your chickens until they're crossed the road." She told him calmly.

Drakken frowned, evidently confused. "…What?" he asked.

Shego snorted with laughter, shook her head, and started up the machine with a bump, making Drakken fall out of his seat.

"WHA-!?!"

**_-Everyone's stuck in some kind of machine (belonging to and designed by Drakken) that everyone believes is about to blow up-_**

"…We're gonna die!!" Ron yelled, running round and round in circles.

Shego smirked. "Look at it this way; the only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth."

Kim frowned. "So…it's either just a problem or the thing that'll kill us?" he asked.

Shego shrugged. "Put it another way and use the 50-50-90 rule."

"The _what_ rule?!"

"The 50-50-90 rule. When there's a 50-50 chance of you succeeding, there's a 90 probability that you'll fail."

"Shego," Drakken cut in flatly, "is there anything you have to say that can _help_ our situation?"

"…Yeah."

"Really? What?" Kim asked hopefully.

"When all else fails, read the handbook."

"…Oh yeah."

**_-Drakken has fallen over the edge of a really deep hole, and is hanging on the edge of it-_**

"SHEGO!! HELP MEEEEEEE!"

Shego glanced down at Drakken, who was still clinging to the edge of the hold for his very life.

"No."

"WHAT?!?! WHY?!!"

"If I help a man in trouble, he'll only remember me when he's in trouble the next time."

"BU-BUT-!!"

"Then again…" Shego sighed as she reached down and hauled Drakken out of the hole. He scrambled away from the edge and got up on his feet again.

"Thanks. What made you change your mind?" he asked attentively.

"Easy. I figured out that the sole purpose of your life is to serve as an example to others. Therefore, I need you to keep screwing up so I'm less-likely to."

"…Gee, thanks, Shego."

"No problem, Dr D."

**Well, that's all for now! Oh, and I'm thinking of adding an OC to the mix – a friend of Shego's that is as random as she is, so I can help keep Shego in character a bit more.**

**Please tell me what you think? (If I get no reply about this then I'll add her – yes, she'll be a girl – to the story anyway).**

**PLEASE REVIEW!!**

**Naioka1992 - xoxo**


	5. Help!

Drakken: Zero – Shego: Infinite!

IMPORTANT AUTHORS NOTICE!!

I am in urgent need of quotes. No scenes, just quotes. If it's a quote with more than 2 people, send it anyway! I'll rework stuff if I need to, but I am running out of ideas. Anyone who sends me quotes (you can either PM them to me or leave them in a review) will be thanked in the next chapter.

I am very, very sorry I've not updated for a while, but I do need your help on this.

A HUGE, HUGE thank you in advance to anyone who can help me out. Kudos and cookies to my helpers-to-be. :D

Thank you!

Naioka1992

xoxo


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